She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
