overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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