Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
