are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
