I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
