All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
