11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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