is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
