was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize