I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
