you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
