My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
