ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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