I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
