i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
