i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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