I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
