thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
