All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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