can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
