I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize