Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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