I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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