I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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