my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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