I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
