i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
