overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
