Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
