you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i think i just lost a toe
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
