making cat noises will not fix the situation.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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