Someone shit on the floor
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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