census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
