I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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