Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
