There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
