i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
