I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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