i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
