the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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