we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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