Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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