that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
