Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
