I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
