some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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