Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
