Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
