Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
