He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
