Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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