Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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