I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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