A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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