Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
