we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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