Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My vagina is officially offended.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
