if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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