HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
