I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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