oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
