i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
