When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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