If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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