How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just high enough for therapy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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