Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
