Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
