Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
