ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have already put on my inside pants.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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