Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
