WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
