Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
