hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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