I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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