THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
